But this is how it ends

His voice has started to fade. You no longer search for him in the halls because you know he doesn’t walk that way anymore. All of the pictures you have of him have been thrown away, and there isn’t anything to remind you of him. Whenever you hear a song that makes you think of him you let it play for a few seconds, just so you can think of the honest memories of him. He was never the nicest to you, he always held a gaze with other girls a little too long, and every time you tried to open up he laughed at you. After that you stopped trying to let him learn more about you, you made it all about him because that’s what you thought he wanted. He wanted you to show him more affection but every time you tried he shoved you off. You kept apologizing because you didn’t want him to be upset, not that it helped because he told you to stop being sorry. You tried everything. You wanted a future and he didn’t anymore. You held on because you wanted to believe that he was the same guy you fell in love with months ago. It was your fault though because you pushed too hard. Tried to get him to let you in when he didn’t want to let anyone in, not even you. You remember all the times you felt like he might cheat on you. So you would check on him extra that night and eventually he would just stop talking to you. That’s about the time the ‘good morning gorgeous’ and ‘goodnight beautiful’ texts stopped. That’s when ‘I love you’ turned into ‘love you’ and you knew it was coming. But you still held on… why? Why didn’t you end it then? Did he make you feel crazy for being worried about the future? Did he make you feel like you were nothing without him? When the song ends you remember where you are now. You aren’t the same weak girl that would have done anything for a guy that wasn’t even in love with you. You aren’t the girl that lets words take over actions. You’re better than that, better than that relationship. When you see him on occasion it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s more of a dull ache, and for a moment you wonder what it would have been like if you were still with him, but you know better. He wasn’t right for you, he made you feel horrible about yourself and it took months to recover from it, from him. But you did it, and when your friends bring him up you don’t even flinch. You don’t say a bad word about him because what’s the point? He doesn’t deserve to be a topic in your life anymore. No, you don’t regret the relationship but you know better than to let someone like him suck you in again. He was like a black hole, always wanting more even when you had nothing left to give. You feel better, stronger. Every day is an opportunity to reach your dreams, the dreams he once laughed at. You don’t get to decide whom you fall in love with, but you do get to decide how you handle that love. You don’t need people that only want to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better. So you let go of him, and for the first time you feel happy. You feel complete without him. One day you’re going to fall in love and have someone that loves you for you but it won’t be him. He was just the first. There will be others. For the first time in what seems like forever, you honestly believe that.

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